Hey girl hey, this topic is going to be quite serious and I hope that through reading this you feel less alone, more heard, and realize that there is life after being sexually assaulted.
It was my last semester as a sophomore in college, and I was so stressed and unsure about my life. I didn't know how to move forward educationally, financially, and emotionally as most college students can understand. I choose to take out my frustrations by partying, meeting new people, and having “fun.”
While I was out there living my life, I got sexually assaulted by a guy I was dating at the time. Some people don’t know or understand the long lasting effects sexual assault can have on a person’s physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual state of mind.
It wasn’t until talking to a close friend of mine and she explaining to me, “When you don’t want to have sex and you make it known to a guy you don’t want to have sex, and he keeps pressuring you to have sex, it’s rape.” I began to realize that a lot of my sexual encounters happened because I was pressured and persuaded. Not putting it all on the guys I chose to sleep with, but there were more than I could stomach for awhile.
A lot of men and some women might disagree with this but it is a fact. At anytime during sex, if you want to stop or feel uncomfortable you have a right to stop. Yet there was always that guy who would continuously pressure me to “get comfortable” and “chill out” and “calm down” knowing I’m extremely uncomfortable or unaware of what’s even going on due to intoxication.
Working to move past trauma is very hard, and it’s up to you to find out what works best for you.
For me, I avoided the truth for a while to make it seem like it wasn’t that important, and therefore didn’t define me. After some time, my facade of happiness faded and I was left feeling broken, used, and empty altogether.
Some tips for when you are down in the dumps or feel like you have no control: Cry about it, yell about it, run about it, and lastly write about it. It’s important to give all your emotions a chance to be expressed in a healthy and safe learning environment.
On a day to day, we hide and hustle in and out our feelings, never giving them a chance to flower into a deeper understanding of oneself. No matter how much it hurts, at some point, you have to deal with your baggage -- it’s important in order for you to have healthy, lasting and fulfilling relationships.
Use all that anger, tears, and fear for the fuel to create and invest in yourself. Don’t punish yourself for having fun -- it wasn't your fault that someone had taken advantage of you. You will heal from this! Unfortunately, bad things shape you just as much as, if not more than, good things. How will you let this shape you? I also suggest going to a therapist as a moral support if your schedule allows.
A lot of media likes to focus on the depressing, victim mindset, and putting the women in a weak light. I believe these experiences don’t create victims but create survivors and a movement of women supporting other women through the multitude of hardships in our lives. Stay blessed and stay safe.
Editor's Note: If you or someone you know has been sexually harassed or assaulted, take a look at the following resources to find the help that's best for you.
SASHA Center - An African-American nonprofit organization designed to serve the Black community
RAINN - The U.S.'s largest anti-sexual violence organization
1in6 - A national helpline for men sexually abused or assaulted
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