Maybe I missed it.
I remember hearing about bills. All of my bigs talked about Sallie Mae the way parents talk about the boogey man. I've heard about credit scores. But no one explained how traumatic moving forward alone would be.
No one told me "adulting" would look like shallow small talk with lab mates or co-workers.
No one prepared me for the quick fast and hard transition that comes with leaving university and beginning in a new place. Everyday I miss my friends. I do not miss classes or parties but I miss being able to walk up a flight of stairs and cry my eyes out in my best friend’s lap after a rough day. Now when I deal with microaggressions or failures, I use some breathing exercises and soldier on.
That's so tiring.
I am TIRED. It’s only been three weeks and I am tired.
I need caffeine and prayer to get through a 5-hour work day. I have never been this kind of exhausted. I have never lacked support in this way. In college, from day one we were encouraged to find our tribe and connect with each other. Graduate school isn’t quite like that. We aren’t all 21 and fresh off the boat. Some people are married or have been working. There are even some parents in the mix and this makes it hard to even make plans with one another.
I just don’t see a clear path for meaningful connection and that’s especially concerning. I really need that to be happy. I need that to be at my best.
I guess no one clearly communicated that adulting is really wasting time with colleagues while you earn money, so you can see your real friends. Until then you can find me in the break room laughing at awful jokes and pretending to like these people.
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