An Ode to The Blueprint

To the template,

the blueprint,

the schematic,

I make all my plans based on how you’ve lived your life. I want to delay kids because you did it in the 1960s. I want to delay marriage because you did it in the 1950s. I want to educate our community because you did it. You did it for 45 years. We couldn’t go anywhere in your small town without running into your former students. They are always so happy to see you. They have the best things to say about you.

I know little girls are supposed to idolize their moms. Don’t get me wrong. Mom is wonderful. But you’re the greatest to ever do it. You were being groundbreaking and a revolutionary. You never told me to put myself or my career first. You just never forced me to think of anyone else. When you would yell about my dirty room, you never mentioned a hypothetical husband. Whenever I asked how you were, you would answer “I’m just trying to live”.

Just live.

You empowered me to just live and care about everything that matters. You showed me how to define that on my own terms. You’ve only ever given yourself to family, community, and God. I picked up those same values.

They’re wrapped in completely different packaging. A cursing, drinking, rapping Trina to start my day package but they’re here. You always accepted me. You have no idea how much this helps me accept myself everyday.

Thank you grandmother for being everything I needed to see. Thank you for being everything I could ever pray to be. Thank you for showing me a love for self that I have never seen another woman come close to. Thank you for being you.