I'm not the most religious person, but I do believe in God and occasionally go to church (lukewarm is what the kids call it these days I think). Anyway, a few months ago I discovered that my boo of several years is agnostic... Literally, he mentioned it in casual conversation.
Yikes, I know. In my defense he has a Bible on his nightstand, joins people in prayer, and his whole family is Christian! I always thought he had faith, but wasn't into organized religion.
I acted like everything was fine - this was something personal and I wanted him to be able to continue to share with me! - but just underneath the surface was that SpongeBob office fire scene. Like I said, I'm not a Bible-thumping Jesus freak, but for someone to have NO belief one way or the other was really fucking confusing.
I'm ashamed to admit it, but all of my repressed religious upbringing kicked into overdrive. Is he going to hell? My family would never approve of me being with someone who wasn't a Christian, so should I just break up with him now? Because marriage one day is out of the window...isn't it? In church I was taught that the man of the household sets the religious tone for the family, and only a man of God is worthy of being followed and submitted to by his wife. Can he really love me, but not Jesus?
So, what does any girl in her early 20s with a heathen at home do? Turn to Google, that's what. I Googled the fuck out of agnosticism. Each keystroke and search result became my bitch. That's right, I was not about to let a little agnosticism chase me away before knowing more about it first. Once I got a textbook understanding, he and I talked about my concerns. As the long overdue conversation continued on, those concerns didn't go away but they did quiet a bit.
Remember, he wasn't some new person. He looked, talked, and walked the same as always. He was indistinguishably the boy that I had grown to admire and love over time. I just learned something new, is all. I have to confess, I don't know what this means for us in the future, but we're so young and the future isn't promised...
Kommentare